The job search process can be a daunting and emotional journey, often filled with rejection, uncertainty, and self-doubt. Yet, as career coach Emily Liou explained in a recent podcast episode of Recruiting Insider, it doesn’t have to be this way. By shifting your mindset, practicing gratitude, and aligning your actions with your purpose, you can infuse joy into the process and emerge stronger on the other side.
Emily emphasized the importance of starting from within. The way you perceive yourself plays a critical role in the opportunities you attract. If you don’t see yourself as an A-level candidate, you’re unlikely to land an A-level job. Self-belief is foundational; it not only shapes your confidence but also influences the energy you bring to each application, email, and interview. By affirming your worth and celebrating your unique skills, you can project positivity and competence.
A powerful way to nurture this mindset is through gratitude. Often, job seekers focus solely on the destination—the job offer—without appreciating the small, meaningful moments along the way. Emily suggests taking time to savor these moments, whether it’s the warmth of your morning coffee or the satisfaction of completing a task. Gratitude shifts your perspective, transforming what can feel like a frustrating grind into an opportunity for growth and reflection.
Mindset extends to the way you approach the job search itself. Many people operate from a sense of obligation, focusing on what they “should” do rather than what they “want” to do. Emily encourages reframing this approach by asking, “What feels aligned and inspiring today?” For example, if traditional networking feels draining, consider alternative ways to connect that align with your strengths and interests. This shift from motivation to inspiration can infuse your actions with purpose and joy.
Managing the emotional toll of job searching is also vital. Emily introduced the concept of self-regulation tools, which can help calm anxiety and replenish energy. Practices like meditation, yoga, journaling, and spending time in nature are effective ways to downregulate stress and bring calm to your day. Conversely, activities like exercise, social connection, or even a cold shower can energize and uplift you when you’re feeling drained. Incorporating these tools into your daily routine can help you navigate the ups and downs of the search with resilience.
Purpose plays a central role in maintaining joy and motivation during a job search. Emily explained that purpose isn’t tied to a specific job or title; rather, it’s a broader theme that reflects what brings you fulfillment. Reflecting on moments in your life where you felt most engaged and impactful can help you identify this purpose. When you align your job search with your deeper sense of meaning, the process becomes more rewarding and less stressful.
It’s also essential to break the cycle of burnout, which often stems from the pressure to dedicate every waking moment to job searching. Taking breaks, nurturing hobbies, and prioritizing self-care aren’t just acts of kindness toward yourself; they’re also essential strategies for maintaining energy and focus. By allowing yourself time to rest and recharge, you can approach each task with renewed enthusiasm and clarity.
Self-celebration is another powerful practice. Instead of waiting for external validation, such as a job offer, Emily advises celebrating your progress and accomplishments along the way. This could be as simple as acknowledging the effort you put into a cover letter or the courage it took to network with a new contact. Recognizing your own achievements fosters confidence and helps sustain motivation.
Rather than viewing the job search as a tedious grind, Emily suggests finding flow in the process. By focusing on activities that energize and inspire you, you’ll naturally build momentum and enjoy the journey. For instance, if you thrive on connecting with others, prioritize conversations and collaborations that light you up. When your actions align with your strengths, the path to your goal becomes more fulfilling.
Ultimately, the job search is not just about landing a role; it’s an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery. Each challenge is a chance to build resilience, clarify your values, and rediscover joy. By approaching the process with gratitude, purpose, and self-compassion, you can transform it into a meaningful and empowering experience that not only helps you achieve your career goals but also enriches your life as a whole.
Transcript:
[00:00:00] Emily: I think that’s so important for people to know, especially if they’re unemployed, because otherwise their lack of work and their self doubt will just override. And you know, if you don’t feel like you’re an A candidate, you’re not going to get an A job. If you think you’re an average candidate, you’re going to get an average job.
I never hear people saying like, I want an average job. They’re like, I want a dream job. So you really got to start from inside.
[00:00:25] Mary: Before we start the show. I have a quick question for you. Is your resume stuck in the rejection pile at resume assassin? I create powerful resumes that showcase your skills, experience, and achievements.
Getting you noticed by recruiters. I’ll also optimize your LinkedIn profile, transforming it into a magnet for opportunity, visit resumeassassin. com today, take charge of your job search, visit resumeassassin. com. Welcome back to the show, everyone. [00:01:00] I hope you’re all crushing it this week. And, you know, even if you are crushing it, I’m sure that many of you have felt, you know, kind of that sense of stress and overwhelm, especially during a job search.
And, you know, maybe you’re even experiencing it now. And I know that it happens to the best of us. And, um, you know, it’s happened to me before. And, you know, have you ever wished that you could just be more joyful during the job search? Well, guess what? It can be true. This week, we’re diving deep into the art of infusing your job search with ease and flow.
Joining me today is the amazing Emily Liu. Emily is a passionate advocate for cultivating joy across all aspects of life. Professionally, personally, and financially. She has a ton of experience in recruiting and hiring with [00:02:00] Fortune 500 companies, top 100 AM law firms, and Silicon Valley startups, and she’s here today to drop some major, major motivation.
Emily, welcome to Recruiting Insider.
[00:02:13] Emily: I’m so excited and joyful to be here right now, and I just gotta say really quick, you have the most calming, like, chill vibes, and I think that’s super helpful during the job search because everybody’s running anxious.
[00:02:29] Mary: Yes, well, thank you. I appreciate that. I’m already calmer just chatting with you.
So that’s amazing. So Emily, of course, I’m super excited that you’re here with me today and you know, to kick things off, tell us just a little bit more about your background. Who are you and why are you so passionate about infusing joy into the job search?
[00:02:52] Emily: Yeah, well, I will say that I did not know what I wanted to be for a really long time.
It took me about. I don’t [00:03:00] know, 33 years in life to figure it out. Um, I was a job hopper, just trying on anything and everything, growing bored of jobs like three months in and always questioning like, what’s wrong with me? Um, but I realized we are just all on this journey of life, trying to figure out and getting clarity.
Of what is most important to us. And oftentimes that comes with trial and error. Um, but it also just requires us to do new things. So anyway, along my journey, I call myself a professional job seeker because I was constantly like looking for new jobs and I ultimately fell into recruiting. Um, I was actually going to a staffing agency and the recruiter was like, You know, you’d make a really good recruiter with your personality.
Are you interested? And again, I was actually very unintentional back then. I was like any job that fell into my lap. I was like, sure, I’ll try it out, but it actually ended up being the perfect job for my personality. And, [00:04:00] uh, I just ended up loving it. But what I found was I was always rejecting the candidates that truly needed help and just giving the job offer to the people who already knew how to play the game.
And so in 2016, I started to just write daily job search advice. Like, here’s what you really need to know. This is what I really want to say to you. I didn’t know what a career coach was then, but it quickly evolved into becoming a career coach. And so, um, that’s a little bit about how I got started and it’s just.
To me, I feel our careers are such a big component of our life. I don’t think it should be our entire identity, but, and if you are making it at your identity, that’s a separate conversation, but because we spend so much time there and it truly, um, I don’t think we shut off work and we don’t shut off our personal lives.
Like it’s really in harmony with each other. Um, I just really want people to wake up excited and happy and joyful in life. [00:05:00] So that’s a little bit of the backstory.
[00:05:02] Mary: I love that. And I want to, you know, unpack that just a little bit. I mean, tell me a little bit more about how we can figure out to wake up joyful, happy, and excited about what we do.
What are the first steps in doing that?
[00:05:19] Emily: Well, I think first is getting out of the. If only then, I will be Trap, because that’s what a lot of us are chasing. It’s that dangling carrot, like, when I finally get that job, then I’ll finally be worthy enough. Or when I get that title, then I’ll finally be happier.
When I finally get this on my resume, or this achievement, then I’ll finally be Accomplished enough and that I call it a trap because it’s just the stingling carrot that once you get it It’s like a fleeting moment of yay. I got it. Okay, and then move on to the next thing Especially if you’re like identifying as an [00:06:00] ambitious professional, you’re just on this hamster wheel of chasing, chasing, chasing, chasing.
And so if right now you feel lackluster or you feel you’re not as content or fulfilled or happy, and you’re waiting for something external to happen before you can feel that, that’s the game. That’s what we want to start working with. Okay. I don’t have to add anything to my plate. I don’t have to add anything to my day, but can I start to look at what I do on a day to day with more gratitude and more appreciation and truly savor the moment?
Um, even if it’s like, Drinking a cup of coffee, you know, I think a lot of us we just slug down that coffee or we’re like drinking Drinking it while we’re typing and it’s like can you actually just take a moment and be like, ah, I so appreciate having this warm cup of coffee and letting like the steam hit you in the face and Savoring that flavor [00:07:00] before you move on to the next thing just by doing that and expressing the gratitude It’s going to shift your The way you approach everything else throughout your day.
Um, and so that’s the same thing with the job. It’s like when you’re in your job. And you actually love something that you’re doing or you feel energized by something that you’re doing, or you feel like you did something really impactful instead of just going over it or, um, you know, dismissing onto the next task, it’s like, wow, can you just really take a moment to pause and be like, wow, I am just so appreciative that I had the opportunity to work on this, or I’m so proud of myself.
For being able to do this or, wow, I just did that. Like, how often do we take a moment to like, really congratulate ourselves and celebrate ourselves. So I feel like in the workplace, like people get, they pour so much of themselves into the work because that’s the only place in life we receive recognition and praise and achievement.[00:08:00]
But oftentimes we’re waiting for somebody else to do that for us, right? It’s like, I hope my boss recognizes me. I hope I get that promotion or that raise. When I work with my clients, I want them to like really tap into their individual. Like, how do I give this to myself right now? Because again, that catapults you and that energizes you on a whole nother level.
[00:08:24] Mary: I’m a huge believer in living life with passion, you know, and pursuing. Excellence really in everything that I do. And I mean, that includes job searching, really, you know, when I do a little bit of deep work to really think about what is my purpose in life, you know, it’s not necessarily to achieve, but to pursue too, you know, and that’s something that I’ve been thinking about lately.
It’s, it’s really all about the journey. So I think that there’s, you know, a lot, I love what you said [00:09:00] about just practicing gratitude in everything that you do, you know, even if it’s, you know, like, like you said, that first sip of coffee in the morning, just being so thankful that you’ve been given the opportunity to sip that coffee, or if it’s a project that, you know, you’ve been given, being grateful that you can tap into these different skills or maybe these different areas of expertise that, you know, maybe you haven’t used before, or even if it’s something that you’ve never done before, maybe you’re strengthening a skill that you could use later on.
So I think that there are a lot of places in our lives, both personally and professionally, where we can really tap into that joy and if we’re not Consciously thinking about that too and being joyful and really taking a step back to be like, Oh, thank you for that. You know, it’s easy, like you said, just to go on to that next task and to just keep doing and doing and doing and grinding [00:10:00] and grinding and grinding.
And if you’re never thankful, if you’re never taking that step back to really appreciate The journey then it can Get redundant it can get taxing.
[00:10:13] Emily: It’s really where burnout is led to like especially for job seekers You know, it’s such a long journey for some and it’s an emotional roller coaster Like you don’t know what’s going to happen on the other end or when it’s going to happen or where it’s going to come from And so if you’re not having fun and you’re not being joyful in the process Of your job search and you’re just waiting to celebrate when you get that offer letter Oh my gosh, it’s going to be such a challenging journey and not so joyful.
And the way that I like to view it is like, so many job seekers are coming from this place of anxiousness. Like I just need to apply to another job, or I just saw this and I should just, uh, network with however many people. And they are bringing a lot of, [00:11:00] um, anxiety and a lot of fear and like desperation energy into their job search.
And to me, I think everything is energy. So when you’re coming from that place and you’re writing an email or you’re writing your resume, um, well, hopefully Mary’s writing your resume, but you know, as you’re like submitting it, they’re like, So anxious and desperate, like I feel that energy gets captured and it transmutes into everything else.
Um, even like in your networking group, when you go into an interview, you can slap on positive affirmations. You could give yourself a little pep talk beforehand, but if subconsciously your energy is like, Oh my gosh, I’m so Over this job search. I’m so anxious. I’m not having fun. I’m not celebrating. I’m not smiling.
I’m not laughing. I’m not grateful. I’m not appreciative. I’m not enough. Like that’s the underlying, uh, I say, feeling or thought and pattern, all of it gets transmuted. So again, the question [00:12:00] becomes, how do you start enjoying the journey today? Cause if you’re not, you’re missing the point, you’re missing the point of this job search.
[00:12:10] Mary: Yeah, it’s all about the journey, and I think that you’re on to something there with the mindset, too. And I listened to a podcast recently who, you know, the topic of conversation Was around mindset and those people that truly believed that something was going to happen, you know, whether it was landing an interview, getting a new client, um, you know, maybe taking the next step in your fitness, whatever it might be, whatever your goal is, whatever journey you’re on.
If you switch your mindset and you tell yourself. If I’m going to do this, then the chances are you’re going to take the necessary steps to actually accomplish those things, whereas, you know, those people who are right off the bat, they’re saying, Oh, I’m not going to [00:13:00] get the interview, I, you know, it’s the job search process sucks, you know, their, their mindset just isn’t there, then it’s probably going to be true.
You’re the job search process probably will suck. You probably won’t get the interview because you’re telling yourself that you’re not going to get it. So you’re. You know, what happens in that job search is a direct reflection of what’s going on up inside of your head.
[00:13:25] Emily: Oh, definitely. I truly believe the subconscious is always going to find the path of least resistance.
And so, if you’re over arching through, Thought is this job search sucks, or I not the top candidate, or I’m not a good enough candidate, or I’ll just take any job. Like you’re going to end up finding the feelings that support that. Chances are your feelings are, um, apathetic, maybe feeling lethargic, feeling unmotivated, feeling, um, [00:14:00] just a lot of lack mentality around the job search and yourself.
And then The action is like, okay, well, if you don’t believe it’s possible, well, how are you showing up? Well, maybe you’re applying, but you’re not putting like your whole heart into it or like, I like what you said earlier, which was like passion and like really having a level of standard of around excellence.
Um, you’re going to just do things, but it might be half fast, or it might just be like, oh, I’m just doing it for the sake of doing it. And then the result is you’re going to keep finding evidence that, see, the job search is hard. I never get interviews. This is so challenging. And so it really then becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
Um, you know, I think about, like, when you go to the gym, like, just if you think you’re never going to lose weight or you’re never going to get that body, like, You’re not going to show up. Uh, but if you’re like committed, you’re like, dang, I’m going to get a six pack by the end of this summer. Yeah. Like you’re just committed and your energy shifts and, [00:15:00] um, you know, your feelings around getting that body is like, I’m more energized and more motivated.
I’m going to start taking the actions of putting in a routine. I’m going to show up consistently. I’m going to do this, uh, really tough workout and push through. And I’m going And then the results are, Oh, wow, I got a six pack and you know, like that supports my thought that I can do this. Yeah. What
[00:15:25] Mary: are some of the biggest mindset shifts that job seekers can make to approach their search with more positivity?
[00:15:35] Emily: Yeah, I think a lot of job seekers are trying to motivate themselves. They say like, Oh, I just need to get more motivated. I wish I were more motivated or I want to get motivated. And they’re really operating from a place of should or need. Like I need to do this. I should be doing this. And. Um, to me, I never wanna be motivated.
I feel like motivating is more of a [00:16:00] push. Like I’m pushing myself, I’m forcing myself, I’m doing the things that I should be doing or need to be doing. Um, what I would rather have job seekers do is really move into from motivation to inspiration. What do you feel inspired by? And inspiration really sits in.
The want, I want to do this, or I desire to do this. I feel compelled to do this. I feel pulled to do this. So instead of a push, it’s a pull. Like I feel pulled to follow this curiosity. I feel pulled to reach out to this person. So oftentimes, like when you’re motivating yourself, you’re just. Forcing yourself and you’re kind of going into a routine.
You’re like, okay, I heard this is what I should be doing. So I’m doing it. And it feels kind of purposeless for a lot of people. They’re just like, Oh, I feel like I’m just going through the motions. I’m checking things off, but I’m not getting the results that I want. So when I [00:17:00] work with my clients, I’m really like, okay, There’s so many ways to land a job.
Like applying online is one, networking is another, but like, if you hate networking, you hate going into rooms, um, you have zero energy to like make small talk, then don’t do that. Right. So I think a question is getting still enough to be like every single day waking up to be like, what do I feel inspired to do today?
If I were to land a dream job, what do I feel I want to do to work towards this goal. And I think that more you operate from your wants and your desires, you’re naturally just going to be more energetic and joyful, and you’re going to get to your destination a lot quicker because we all have heard those stats of people that are like, I applied to over 300 jobs and I haven’t gotten a single interview.
So it’s not like, um, there’s a magic number or like, you know, you just have to keep motivating yourself. We also hear people who are [00:18:00] like, Oh, I got laid off. And, you know, I was having brunch with a friend and it turned out her company is hiring and they pushed along my resume and then I got a job like within two weeks and it was like so easy, uh, and it wasn’t like this hard.
Job search because they’re just really going back into okay. What do I feel? I want to do today What do I want to share with another person? What do I feel? Um Pulled to do today and it just happens organically and I think that’s the best So many things come into fruition.
[00:18:38] Mary: I think that a lot of job seekers have a hard time figuring out what is it that’s pulling me, what should I actually be doing today?
Because, you know, a lot of people feel kind of frantic or they feel a sense of urgency when they’re in their job search. So how could somebody [00:19:00] really. Tap in to their emotions, to their feelings and figure out, you know, what is pulling me? What should I actually be doing today?
[00:19:09] Emily: Yeah. I hate the word should, um, like I, I want them to ask, what do I want to do today?
And so I think one thing that they can really think about is when I get my job offer, what do I feel? Like, what am I, what do I think I’m going to feel when I get my job offer? Most likely they’ll say something like, I will feel relief. I will feel elated. I will feel happy. I will feel joyful. So again, the question becomes, okay, if I were to feel relief and I feel elated, I feel light, I feel happy.
What job activities would allow me to feel that and come from that place right now? And so, you know, I’m making this up. It’s going to be different for everyone, but somebody might say, you know, I feel relief. [00:20:00] Taking off the expectation that I need a job by Three weeks. Like I’ve always heard people say like these really aggressive deadlines that it’s like a self imposed deadline and they’re putting so much control.
Like we don’t know how long another company’s hiring timeline is. Typically it’s not three weeks for a whole recruiting cycle, but you know, just even having that pressure taken off is like, Oh, okay. Like from this place, if I’m not putting this crazy, um, metric that I can’t even meet. Okay, I could, I could feel that relief.
I can feel that tension and that stress kind of dissipating like that self imposed stress that I put on myself. And now, like, if I want to feel more joyful, like, well, what lights me up? I have a client who loves connecting with people. Like she’s a natural relationship builder and community builder, but yet she’s spending most of her job search activity [00:21:00] time on job boards and she feels so soul sucked.
And, uh, she just feels like. She gets the applications in, but she just feels so drained. So one thing that we’re doing is, okay, instead of like applying to 10 jobs, can you apply to three and maybe start to connect with others? Or even when you are applying online, instead of doing it in isolation at your home, could you go to your local coffee shop and just connect with people?
Be surrounded by people and that naturally just energizes her more. So I think the question really boils down to what do you think you’re going to feel? How do you start feeling that today regardless of the offer letter and what activities? What actions, what structure would allow you to honor what you want to feel?
Cause that goes back to your purpose. It’s less about what you’re doing, but more of who you’re being. How can you be that in this moment?
[00:21:57] Mary: I love that. And I think that that’s such an important. [00:22:00] Reframe to have and I think that that probably resonates with a lot of people who are listening today because when I think of a job search or when I think back to my last job search or even You know with a lot of the clients that i’m working with it’s like they’re thinking in that should Mind frame where it’s like what should I be doing?
And like you said emily, I love reframing that to think what am I doing? And how does that make me feel? Because if you’re feeling really positive and energetic about what you’re doing today in your job search. There’s going to be way more joy that comes throughout the entire day, throughout the entire week.
That’s going to resonate with you both internally. Your family will see it. Your friends will see it. You’ll just be a happier person. So just that subtle shift and you know, in mindset can make a huge difference. Such an impactful difference. [00:23:00] And, you know, I think a lot of job seekers that I speak with, especially in today’s market, and you know, we know over the last year, year and a half, there have been so many layoffs and people are applying to hundreds of jobs, if not I’ve even heard of thousands of jobs at this point and they’re not getting a lot of feedback and so it, it just kind of starts to feel like a grind.
So, you know, even if they are practicing some of these different mindset, mindset shifts, it still gets really, really painful. frustrating when it feels like you’re just, you know, banging your head against the wall, doing the same thing over and over, or even if you are, you know, making that shift and you’re finding joy in the different things that you’re doing and can still end up feeling like a grind.
So how can we shift our focus to find flow and really fall into that sense of progress?
[00:23:58] Emily: Yeah, the first thing that came up. [00:24:00] For me was, um, there’s this thing called human design and like their motto is, you know, all of us are designed so uniquely different from each other. And yet we’re all trying to do one thing, the one way and.
Like, why are we doing that? Because, you know, it’s, we’re all designed differently and we all have different targets and we all have different backgrounds. And so I just really want to empathize with anybody who’s been like, I’ve been at this for a thousand plus job applications and I’m still not getting the results.
Okay. For that person, I’d be like, let’s take a break. Like you obviously have now crossed your window of tolerance. From what you’re able to handle, like the smallest rejection is going to set you off. Yeah, the ghosting is going to set you off and it’s going to perpetuate this feeling of I’m just not marketable.
I’m just not hireable. I can [00:25:00] never land a job. And again, that’s the mindset loop that we talked about earlier. Your thoughts lead to your feelings, lead to your actions, lead to your results. And so anybody who has crossed that window of tolerance, where, you know, you know, like whenever you get into an argument with like a partner, um, sometimes you’re like, I don’t know why that triggered me so much.
Like that just set me off. Um, normally it wouldn’t set me off, but it’s because like your window of tolerance, the amount of stress that you’re holding and being an employee is so stressful. You’re probably getting pressure from your. Family like they mean well, but then you have friends who are like asking so What what are you up to these days?
Are you working and you know all of that like it could feel so demoralizing and so defeating and so you’re holding a lot of tension if you’ve been job searching for months on end like Most humans can handle weeks and then as the weeks progress into months They’re [00:26:00] like, Oh my God, like something’s got to change.
So just for anyone listening out right now that knows they’re frustrated, like you’re so frustrated in your job search. You can’t be happy. You can’t be joyful. You are saying no to social events. You’re deprioritizing your self care because you’re like, ah, I just, I should be applying, I should be applying.
Like the thing that I want to say to you is you cannot apply eight hours a day. You cannot job search eight hours a day. Um, what you really need is to, um, expand your window of tolerance, which means you actually need to really practice. Resetting and regulating your nervous system because if you’re going in with like a really stuffed up nervous system You’re not going to be able to perform your best.
You’re going to be anxious You’re going to like the minute you get an interview You’re going to be so nervous and you’re going to put so much pressure on yourself Like I just need to like nail this. I need to be perfect. I need to get this What often happens [00:27:00] is the opposite happens, right? Like we put so much pressure We like freeze we let nerves get the best of us And so this is more than ever where you need to inject more joy.
You need to find your hobbies. You need to, um, really put in some self care tools into your day where you’re regulating your system. So what this means is like, if you’re in, um, fight or I’ll say fight mode, um, like you’re just always like on, uh, tension and like really, um, like high energy. Like, the littlest thing, like, upsets you, and you just, like, blow up at, like, the smallest things.
Um, you really need to practice some downregulation. Like, go for a nice walk. Let the sun hit your face. Um, like, do this daily. It sounds, like, counterproductive, but it’s actually what’s going to lead you to be able to muster the courage and, um, have [00:28:00] the energy and the endurance for this journey that you’re on.
But also, again, it transmutes into everything that you do. So when you’re writing an email and you’re coming from a place that’s less stressed, your email is going to come out a lot cleaner and nicer and what your true. Thoughts are are going to be shared in that email. So like if anybody is in like collapse mode, like I just feel depressed.
I feel like I don’t have the energy to do this. I just want to hide and curl up onto my couch, um, or I want to just distract. I want to like flee away from this problem of not having a job. Then I would really encourage people to do more up regulation tools, like really get movement into your day, like find an activity that really allows you to get out your anger, like boxing is really great.
Um, you know, anything that can really allow you to just move that energy through your body so that you show up with [00:29:00] more, um, I’m just gonna use the word energy, right? Like, you’re just more motivated, you’re just more excited. You have moved the energy to get you into this place where you’re like, Okay, I can actually handle this.
I can actually show up for myself. I can get out of bed and, um, you know, tackle little tasks and actions and, Again, as you’re doing these self regulation tools, your window of tolerance is going to expand. So the next time you get a, uh, rejection email, it’s not going to set you off the way it did before when you weren’t taking care of yourself and you weren’t infusing joy and social activities and movement and exercise and all those other little things that just allow you to be like, Oh, I can like move.
I can like function. I don’t have to like stuff and suppress everything inside.
[00:29:53] Mary: Yeah, yeah, I love the idea of self regulation tools and I want to [00:30:00] dive into that a little bit more because you kind of got me curious there and I know that one thing that you mentioned was exercise and sunlight but can you go a little bit deeper into what are those self regulation tools and how could we use them in our day to day life?
[00:30:16] Emily: Yeah, so it’s really like the nervous system is so important and Knowing like we all have a window of tolerance like the moment we cross our window of tolerance This is where we go into fight flight or freeze mode like biologically. We’re just like, ah, this is too scary I’m gonna like run away from this or oh my gosh like that triggered me and now I’m just gonna like You know, beat up on myself or like get angry and lash out or a lot of us, we end up hiding.
Like we are just like, okay, I’m just gonna ignore this. I’m not gonna engage with anybody. I’m just complete shutdown. So we all go through this throughout our lives. And, [00:31:00] um, to me, people always ask like, Emily, how do you hold so much? Like, how do you have a business and you run a family and you’re doing all these other things?
Um, it really goes back to. Being able to increase the window of tolerance, and there’s a lot of different activities you can do, but for me, I try to put in at least five, um, Activities a day and I try to build it up to 10 a day. And these are all by the way, like free activities for the most part, like you don’t have to go out of your way and they don’t take very long.
So I’ll just give some examples of like down regulation tools and up regulation tools. And then if your audience is listening to this, I just encourage you to think about what other ways you. Um, inject more joy or you release energy that you like and you can add to the list and I would really have like a go to list.
So every day you’re like, okay, I’m just going to infuse five of these, um, and start to really [00:32:00] regulate myself. So for anybody who is in downregulation, again, you’re, um, you’re, you want downregulation, like you want to calm yourself. You want to like, let go of anxiety. You want to let go of nerves. You know, even starting your day with a five minute meditation, ten minute meditation, like that’s already going to start your day on a whole new tone.
Um, you could do yoga. Yoga is often really good for that. Again, walking, just standing outside, letting the sun hit your face. Um, I think, Having something hot to drink is also really good, or something hot to eat. Um, like, that’s why comfort food is often really good for us. We’re like, oh, that feels nourishing to our bodies.
Um, I would also say, like, Then laying down just like resting but like really allowing yourself to like be in Savasana, you know There’s so many different activities. So you could probably even just [00:33:00] Google like down regulation tools and find your favorite Um journaling would be another So anything that really just gets you more Uh, calm down and more in present mode and then a really good, um, one that you can do anywhere is going through your five senses.
So like in this moment, especially if you’re out and about and you’re like really anxious and you’re like, Oh, I don’t have access to go out right now or go for a walk. You could just do the five senses like right now. Okay. What do I see? I see a poster. Um, what do I smell? I smell a perfume. Um, what do I touch?
I can feel the shirt on my, uh, on, on myself. Um, what do I hear? I hear birds chirping. Um, what do I taste? I taste my own saliva. You know, but like, just going through that, um, can get you really present and really calm. So I really like that one. And then of course, breathing exercises. Um, yeah. For upregulation, this [00:34:00] is again where if you are in collapse mode, you’re sunken shoulder, life is so hard, job searching is so hard, this is so frustrating, I wish it were easy.
This is when you need to get out. You need to, like, social connection is huge. Um, I’m a big pickleballer now, so like anytime I feel my energy is really low, I go play pickleball and I just move. Even if it’s like 10 minutes, like that automatically gets me. Um, into a better state. Um, any high intensity activities are really good too, like running versus walking, you know, just anything to elevate your heart level.
Um, having something cold in the fridge is really great. So like drinking, um, a cold juice or cold water, um, eating a watermelon, like it automatically sends your body to be like, okay, like let’s go up. Um, I often take a cold shower. I’m like, nothing will wake me up and alert my body more than a cold shower, you know, but it [00:35:00] just like shifts your energy and your state.
Um, a lot of us hold a lot of tension in our jaws. And so even like Flossing, you know, if you do it every morning and every night, like that activity of just like opening up your jaw releases tension and pressure. So again, these are all activities that you do probably already without really recognizing it.
Um, and they’re free, they’re quick, they’re fast, like there’s no reason why people can’t build up to like 5 to 10 practices a day. But ultimately, it goes back to, are you taking care of yourself and your body? Because I feel like a lot of times when you’re unemployed, when you’re job searching, the last thing you do is take care of yourself because you feel unworthy, you feel like you don’t deserve a break, you don’t, you know, all of these things.
And so, I just want to give you permission to know like actually by doing all of this, you’re not only accelerating your [00:36:00] job search because you have the capacity to like hold it and move through it and move into a better energy around it. Um, but you need to like, cause If you’re just collapsed and you’re on your couch and you’re, again, just doing things because you feel like you should be doing it, but it’s half hearted or half assed, like, it’s not going to do you any good.
It’s not going to do anybody else any good.
[00:36:24] Mary: And I’m over here thinking, man, these are such valuable tips, whether you’re job searching or you’re just approaching burnout in your career, which, you know, of course is a whole different conversation. But man, it’s like, if you wake up and you do some breathing exercises, you do some yoga, you let that sunshine come in your face, you know, and I, I’m, I’m guilty of not doing five of those things every single day because I get so busy in my day to day life, you know, so I’m over here taking notes.
Like, man, thanks [00:37:00] Emily. I’m going to start implementing some of these things into my own life. And I think that, you know, I’ll see, More joy and happiness and fulfillment just because I am allowing myself to take these breaks and do things that, you know, ignite all of my five senses in different ways
[00:37:18] Emily: and you’ll get faster results to, um, I feel like a lot of us feel a break is a Counterproductive and I had to really work through this because I’m self identified like high achiever And I just I’m like go go go go hustle hustle hustle be busy busy busy.
Like that’s a rite of passage And it took me a really long time it actually I had to work with a coach for six months to finally allow myself to Be healthy feminine like I think allowing myself to just be just relax to take a break and really see, see that as healing and recharging and maybe [00:38:00] not even taking a step back, but staying where I am so that I could lunge or like catapult myself like five steps forward.
Um, To me, like that’s when I actually started not only getting better results, but more sustainable results too. And again, if we’re not enjoying the process now, we’re missing the whole point. It’s not about, can I finally be happy when I finally get that achievement checked off? The answer is no. Like we all just put on a new achievement.
So it’s like, What’s the point? Let’s just be happy now and let that, from that place of overflow, from that place of, um, gratitude and appreciation and like, wow, like, even though this is tough, even though it’s not going the way that I want it to go, even though I haven’t gotten the result yet, man, I’m so lucky.
I’m so appreciative. I can’t believe like how far I’ve come from, you know, whatever. Uh, Even though I’m [00:39:00] not at the final destination, look at what I’ve done. And again, just even giving yourself that acknowledgement, that celebration, it energizes you to keep going. And especially for our, um, interviewers out there, like if you’re not doing this for yourself right now, you’re not going to show up as a confident candidate in your interviews because you haven’t yet given yourself the acknowledgement and the praise and the recognition that you’re so.
Desiring or you think you’re going to get From a job offer.
[00:39:34] Mary: Yeah, and I want you to dive into Purpose as well just a little bit because I know on linkedin you talk a lot about How to create a more purposeful and joyful career. And when we’re job searching, you know, sometimes it’s really hard to know what our purpose is, especially for those of us who, you know, really attach our purpose to our work.[00:40:00]
How can we discover our purpose and use it to guide our job search?
[00:40:06] Emily: Yeah, I love this question. Um, I am also in the camp that I don’t think your purpose is just one thing. I don’t think it’s one title. I don’t think it’s one job. I think that your purpose is an overarching theme of why you’re put on this planet.
And this takes a lot of introspection, but yeah, everybody has a clear purpose and we can have multiple purposes and our purposes evolve depending on certain milestones and so forth in our lives. Um, because our values change as well, but for me, like, I know, I’ll just talk from my example and then I’ll break it down.
So like, my purpose is really clear. Um, one, I’m here to raise the consciousness on this planet. Like, I have always wanted to just be a nurturer and like, help others and help elevate [00:41:00] others. Like really that, that I saw that in recruiting. I saw that when I was a resume writer in college, um, I saw that when I volunteered for things, I saw that, uh, obviously as a coach, now I like really help people see their blind spots.
Um, but even like now being a mom, I see like, I’m always just trying to help my kids become a better person. Better version of themselves or reach their fullest potential. So that’s like a really clear purpose for me or theme through my life. Um, my purpose is also just to connect with others and make others happy and smile and have genuine conversations.
And, um, what I really would encourage anybody to do right now, listening is just looking at those moments in your life where you felt. Really purposeful, or you felt that thing was so meaningful or you felt, um, like, wow, I derived a lot of joy from that one thing, and it could go all the way back to [00:42:00] childhood.
You know, even like playing with others like that, that is a, a level of purpose. So to me, purpose is like, well, why are you here on this planet? It’s not so that you could be an account manager and work for this one company, but maybe it’s like, you know, I really wanted to help this company, um, put their products out there because I want to like, just support another person and their mission, you know, like that could be maybe the, the purpose statement.
So you really want to start looking at like the themes of your life. When did you have the most happiness? When did you find the most joy? When did you feel like you were, um, really making a positive impact or difference? And that kind of becomes more of your purpose. It’s like, who are you being? Not necessarily what are you doing, but like, who are you being?
Well, I am a thoughtful and considerate person. Like maybe that’s your in life, [00:43:00] you know? So there’s a lot of different ways to define purpose. But I think knowing, like, even if you’re unemployed right now, what your purpose is can make you Feel like, okay, I don’t need that job to step into my purpose. I can step into my purpose now.
And like, I’ll just give you an example. Cause one of my clients was unemployed for six months. Um, he thought he bought into the misbelief that he didn’t have a purpose because he was unemployed. And a lot of unemployed people say this, well, if I’m networking, like, what do I have to offer another person?
Um, but in our group coaching program, he was just, uh, like plethora of wisdom. Like people would ask questions and be like, Oh, I have that resource. Or, Oh, you should check out this website. And he just has so much to give. And then within three months he ended up landing a job. But when I asked him, like, what do you think allowed you to land your job so he [00:44:00] was like, you know, it was because.
I was able to start giving advice and resources to others. It made, it reminded me that I actually have a lot to offer and, you know, coming from that place, he was like, it doesn’t matter if I’m employed or not. I have a lot to offer. Like I, that go to person that’s always just giving resources and advice and like, how can I help another person?
So his purpose was really clear at one of his purposes.
[00:44:29] Mary: Yeah, I love that. And I think, I feel like. Your purpose can shift to, depending on, you know, what stage of life you’re in, what stage in the job search process you’re in, or even, you know, what stage in your career, kind of depending on, you know, You know, what are the different skills that you bring to that specific situation and how can they really benefit different people?
That’s always changing. That’s always evolving. And I, I [00:45:00] love that you brought up, you know, your client and how he really struggled with feeling that lack of. Purpose when he wasn’t employed because I speak with a lot of job seekers that feel that exact same way It’s like well, I’m not Providing for my family.
I’m not contributing to a company. I’m not doing anything that’s resulting in achievement And so I feel like feel, you know, really down, but I think that, yeah, I mean, I just absolutely loved that example and, you know, how your client kind of came around and ended up, you know, not only landing a job really quickly, but also reestablishing what his purpose was.
[00:45:44] Emily: Yeah. And I think that’s so important for people to know, especially if they’re unemployed because otherwise. Their lack of worth and their self doubt will just override and You know, if you don’t feel [00:46:00] like you’re an A candidate, you’re not going to get an A job. If you think you’re an average candidate, you’re going to get an average job.
And I never hear people saying like, I want an average job. They’re like, I want a dream job. So you really got to start from the inside.
[00:46:14] Mary: Wonderful. I, I’ve loved every single minute of our conversation today, Emily. What’s one key takeaway that you want our audience to run away with today? for having me.
[00:46:29] Emily: I’m just going to keep going back to if you’re not feeling joyful right now, you’re doing it all wrong.
Like, you really need to figure out, how can I just infuse 2 percent or 1 percent more joy Into my day to day right now, how can I infuse 1 percent more joy into my job search right now? And again, just really trust that you’re here on this planet to thrive, not just to survive. Like I don’t believe [00:47:00] the universe, God, Buddha, Allah, whatever higher power you believe in.
Is here to watch you suffer. I really believe that you’re destined for something wonderful and we don’t know the timing of it. We can’t imagine like why we’re going through this challenging tunnel right now of a job search. But I promise you there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. And when you’re on the outside of the tunnel, you’re going to be so grateful for this time period.
Because to me, a job search is so confronting. It’s the time of our lives where we’re forced to have a transition, not just a transition. Externally, but internally too. This is our opportunity to learn, okay, how do I build more resiliency? How do I learn how to take care of myself? Even when I don’t fully believe in myself, [00:48:00] um, how do I.
Find more joy and relaxation and peace and really heal from the burnout or like the overachiever or the people pleaser or, um, like, I dunno, the perfectionist that is rooted in me because that’s how I am. I survived up until this point, but this is actually what I need to heal. So to me, that’s like why I love so much the life coaching and the mindset component of it, because I don’t think it’s all strategy.
I mean, everybody again can use different strategies based on. How they’re designed. So that’s another thing I want them to know is like, it’s not a one size fits all really lean into what you want to do, what you desire to do and what feels right for you and most aligned for you. All that to say is if you’re not having a joyful experience right now, you got to pause.[00:49:00]
Something needs to be recalibrated and the littlest things can change. So again, you don’t have to like go out and buy an expensive massage or go to a five star restaurant or whatever. Like it’s all. Within your reach right now.
[00:49:17] Mary: I love that. Where can we find you on social media?
[00:49:22] Emily: Actually most active on LinkedIn these days.
So Emily C. Liou and my website is Cultivatae . com Nobody knows how to spell it. I’m sure it’s in your show notes, but you can go to cultivate your career .com as well
[00:49:36] Mary: Amazing Emily. Thank you so much for coming on today. Thank you so much. This is such a pleasure